I Usually Don’t Give Money Away…

…but today I made an exception.

I was making my way back through Central station tunnel after meeting Alistair for several midday beverages, and before my eyes there sat a radiantly beautiful young woman slouched against the tunnel wall. A cup rested before her, and unlike most of the seedy urchins of Central tunnel, she was looking up into a melancholy underground sky. She wore a tattered crimson skirt and around her neck hung a collection of cheap scarves and tatty jewellery. I reached down into my pocket and rustled up a decent amount of change, and as I walked  by her, I tossed it into her cup. As soon as I heard the splash of liquid I realised that I’d just thrown money into her coffee mug.

BOJANGLES
[the supposedly homeless girl]

What the FUCK is your issue, pretty boy?

EVE
Oh, I’m so sorry, I thought you…

BO
You thought I was a BEGGAR! Just because I’m sitting here,
that doesn’t make me a bloody homeless person! I don’t want your pocket change.
(throws the money back at me)

EVE
Well, why don’t you go and drink somewhere a bit less filthy so
that people don’t mistake you for a street urchin?

BO
You don’t know me, I don’t have to sit anywhere else but here.
You owe me another coffee, you dickhead.

EVE
Here’s some change then.
(hands the money back to her – it’s still dripping with coffee)

BO
(she takes the change, and wipes it on her skirt)
You piece of shit.

EVE
You sure have a fine mouth for a lady.

BO
Why don’t you do something about it then?

EVE
Something like what? This…

Alright, so my action at this point could have been construed in some circles as inappropriately invasive, but I just couldn’t help myself.
I pinned her back against the wall and I kissed her.
Well, she was asking for it.

BO
(breathless and in shock)
Who the hell are you?

EVE
Who the hell would you like me to be?

BO
My date Friday night?
9pm, Bar Broadway.
I’ll see you then.

And after saying that, she runs off.

So now it looks like I’ve got myself a Friday night engagement with someone I originally supposed to be homeless. Lucky I’m not an ugly, dirty old man. If that was the case I probably would have ended up with a gaol term as opposed to a date.

Eve.